Revenge of the Reilly Stone

Here is my first stone story.

My parent's families are both buried in the Mount Saint Mary Cemetery, Flushing, Queens NY. I said before that my mother's family would go to the cemetery on holidays to clean the stones, lay flowers, etc. So it must have been around Thanksgiving, I get a letter from my mom at college, with a photo of her family's monument, a map of the cemetery marked with all the family, and then one of my father's parent's stone. Mom, who hated my father with a passion, had cleaned their stone, pulled the leaves, put down flowers.

She asked me to give the photo to my father and to tell him that she had tended his mother's grave.

He started to bellow before I could even get the first sentence out of my mouth. What kind of GHOUL takes photos of a headstone??? What kind of nerve to touch his mother's grave!!!! Your mother is a MONSTER!

Wow. And that, right there, shows the difference in how people face death.

So I'll post my own photo of my grandparents stone. Somewhere, my father will be spinning in his grave. Oddly enough, for me, I have no idea where that grave is.

Lafayette Cemetery #1, Firefighters

Originally posted October 29, 2017 on Facebook

It's Sunday! Time for some reflection...

Today I want to share a monument from Lafayette Cemetery Number 1 in New Orleans, Louisiana. It's the Jefferson Fire Company #22 communal tomb.

It was built in 1852. During that time, firefighters were given free life insurance and burial benefits. Which says something scary about safety on the job.

Do you see the squares on the long side? The coffins went into those slots. No below ground burials in New Orleans because of the water table.

It made me think about my relatives who were firefighters in the NYC Fire Department, the volunteers who gave me and the Burn Foundation in Philadelphia their time and dedication, and the firefighters who lost their lives on 9/11. Understanding that those lives had been lost was one of the most harrowing moments of my life.

Never mind all of the volunteer and professional firefighters who work so hard to keep us all safe.

When I took these photos, mostly I thought of my dear friends Hawk and his partner Diane. We pay attention. We worry. We thank you.

White Bronze - Fancy!

First published November 5, 2017 It's Sunday - time for some reflection.

Today will be the first of my photos of monuments in Laurel Hill Cemetery in Philadelphia, PA. I am a tour guide for the cemetery, which I love doing so much! The training takes a good while and can be very time consuming, but I am very proud to have completed it successfully. I hope to be a LHC tour guide until I enter my plot and become part of someone else's tour route. :-) I will talk about the cemetery in general another time, but I really want to tell you about this one monument.

Professor Levi Franklin Smith and his wife, Mrs. Catherine Drinkhouse Smith were both devoted Spiritualists at the end of the 19th into the early 20th centuries. Spiritualism was a big movement during that time, more of a religion than anything else. If you think of mediums trying to contact the deceased, people holding séances for the same reason, etc. - that's a part of Spiritualism. Really, the most important thing about it is the belief in the afterlife and that you can communicate with those who have gone before.

The monument is a four sided sort of obelisk, with an open book on top. One side is for Professor Smith, one for his wife, one has all quotes about Spiritualism, and one is about Free Masonry.

Catherine Smith's side says that she "passed to spirit life 15 minutes before 12 o'clock, the 27th Day of March, 1893 from the residence of her husband" and describes her as "one of the best mediums of her time".

His side says that he "passed to spirit life October 24, 1901 from his residence, 2430 Thompson Street (that's Philadelphia, PA) and that he was a "consistent and devoted Spiritualist, and passed to spirit life with a full knowledge of this beautiful philosophy".

All of that is enough to make me love the Smiths and their monument, BUT there's more! If you tap on the side of it, it will ring like a bloody bell!

Because it's made of white bronze, a fancy term for ZINC. There are two other zinc monuments in the cemetery, and one additional one out for repair. I love them and may have to start travelling to find every other zinc monument in the US. And abroad!

I had trouble finding the one smaller monument and mentioned it to the Laurel Hill cemetery supervisor. Who laughed at me and said, how can you not find it, it's BLUE! Yup. William Casey. You can find him right behind The Silent Sentry, in a plot full of veterans of the Civil War.

And in Laurel Hill’s South section, the Shoemaker Family’s zinc angel:

So, ending with two quotes from the Smiths.

“The individual who will not reason is a bigot, who dare not is a slave, and who can not is a fool.” (I'm thinking I have a number of folks who need to read that one...)

And the favorite quote of the Laurel Hill Cemetery tour guides: “Life is eternal; death is merely a change of conditions."

The Milgrim Mosaic

First published November 13, 2017 on Facebook A day late! But still time for reflection...

Another monument from Laurel Hill Cemetery, and again one of my favorites. This one is in a part of the cemetery most people don't get to - down by Valley View, which is up against Ridge Avenue.

The Conway/Milgrim monument. It's actually designed as a bench, with two amazing mosaic panels that depict the journey of the family from Israel to Poland, across the ocean to the USA - looks like Ohio area and Philadelphia.

This entire piece is about family, to me. There is one person buried there (cremains, according to the cemetery records, even though one online source says that the young man's body is there). Alexander Evan Conway Milgrim, born 5/20/76, died 6/6/98. Only 22/23 years old. His marker says "Beloved Father - Son - Brother; PEACE.

I have been told he committed suicide, but I can neither confirm or deny. Does it matter? His family loved him and lost him too soon. Since my own life has been so impacted by suicide, I feel a special affinity for this young man and the love of his family indicated by this very special resting place. There are two curved rows of high bushes on either side, so that when you enter the area of the burial, you are extremely private. In the spring and summer, you can't really see the monument at all because of the bushes being so high. This time of year, it is easier to find, but still isolated. You can see in these picture the flowers that have been left. I am told that you can find flowers there quite often. 

So much love, such a testament to family. Exactly what a memorial should be, I think. And a true piece of art, one of a kind. If you join me in Laurel Hill Cemetery, I will be sure to share it with you.

My Wild Family

First published November 20, 2017 on Facebook

So...Time for some contemplation.

Since it is the beginning of Thanksgiving week, the week of my Nana's birthday, the

death of my Step-Father Jack (the man who raised me), the time I found out about my

breast cancer, Thanksgiving has a lot of emotional significance for me.

Thanksgiving was also one of those times when the family went to take care of the family

graves and leave flowers.

My mom's family plot is in the cemetery of St. Fidelis catholic church in Flushing, NY - the

same cemetery as my father's parents (as discussed before). My great-grandparents,

Leopold (Leopold Wild - best name EVER!) and Katie - aka Pa and Mom Wild; Martin and

Sue - Great-Uncle and Great-Aunt Uncle Marty and Aunt Sue; Mike and Elsie - Grampy

and Nana (my maternal grandparents). Surname WILD. If I hadn't met my husband when I

did, I was prepared to change my maiden name (Reilly) to Wild because it is just such a

cool name.

You can see on the stone another name - Marie Iris Paulik - that's my mom with the surname of her third and last husband, Eddie.

There is a setup about this story. When I was in college, my stepfather Uncle Jack died the day after Thanksgiving. It was a difficult time. I remember my mom getting the phone call from the hospital as we were getting ready to go and visit him, and I remember her collapsing to the floor. My roommate was staying with us for the holiday, and she ended up babysitting my niece and nephew while we dealt with the death.

Uncle Jack was buried with his father, his Uncle Roy, and his beloved mother. But there was no room there for my mother. It really bothered her that she had no space ready for her in the future, and it REALLY bothered her to have Jack buried with his mother instead of finding a new place for the two of them together. Note - she still buried him there with his mom.

So the local community cemetery was building a brand new mausoleum where you could buy individual spaces in a large building. Mom decided to get herself a spot there (Hah! So there, Jack's mother!). And she decided that we all needed spots with her. Including future spouses that hadn't even been met yet. And a place for Mom's possible future spouse. 10 places in the new building - TEN. Never used.

My poor brother, as Executor of her estate, had to deal with those 10 spots. Now my mom had a hobby. That was buying and selling read estate. Not really flipping - just buying homes and business buildings, all for her own use, then selling them for a profit. She loved it. So the brother needs to sell the spots. Mom and I had discussed selling them on eBay, but the brother is smart and he calls the cemetery and asks if they will buy them back.

Which they do. For a LARGE profit. So the husband says that even in death, she was a making a killing (no pun intended!) in real estate.

So, Mom passed away four years ago from complications from Alzheimer's. Instead of a funeral mass, we kids gathered a few weeks before she passed, all together, and spent time with her.

One of the amazing moments was when my sisters and I started to sing the old family songs. Does your family have such thing? The brother was particularly surprised because he did not know the songs!, but mom actually sang along, all the words and all. Amazing.

Here are the songs:

First one I can't even give you, it's so offensive now a days. Just know that the words include "Mammy" and "Snowball"...

"Won't you come over to my house? Won't you come over and play? I have some playthings, a dolly or two. I live in the house cross the way. I'll buy you candy and sweet things. I'll put your hair in a curl. Won't you come over to my house and play that you're my little girl"

That was the Pedophile Song

"Playmate, come out and play with me, and bring your dollies three, climb up my apple tree. Slide down my rain barrel, climb up my cellar door, and we'll be jolly friends for evermore. Playmate, I cannot play with you, my dolly has the flu, boohoo boohoo boohoo. Ain't got no rain barrel, ain't got no cellar door. But we'll be jolly friends forevermore..."

Flu Epidemic Song

"Poor kitty! Poor kitty! My poor little kitty! I looked through the house all around. Looked under the table and out in the stable but nowhere could my kitty be found. Those bad little boys with their popguns and noise have frightened my kitty away... {note - if you look up this song, there are a large number of verses, all about how the little boys torture and kill the kittens - shudder}"

The PETA Song

But I digress...

So my mom died. We gather at the cemetery where she wanted to be buried, the catholic cemetery in Flushing, NY. There is a Deacon from St. Fidelis there because you have to have some kind of service to be interred there, so he will say some prayers and such. I started to talk with him, telling him about our family. And I said, see Mike and Elsie? They were marred on Christmas Day in St. Fidelis Church in 1929. And the Deacon said, no that's not possible. The catholic church doesn't allow weddings on Christmas Day. AHA! Father Ambrose did the service - he was a special friend of Grampy/Mike's - they werefishing buddies (translation, they would go out in the boat and drink, smoke cigars and fish), so he was willing the bend the rules for my grandparents. My Nana LOVED Christmas, and this was a gift from Grampy to her. The Deacon started GUSHING about The Sainted Father Ambrose and we went on together about him. My siblings were pretty shocked that I knew who Father Ambrose was and even some stories about him, and that this Deacon was the same!

Just to show how stories about stones can bring people together...

BUT this is not even the main story about my mom's burial! She had always said that she wanted to be buried with her family, but the vault was full. Somehow my sister convinced the cemetery that mom was so small, we could bury her in a child's coffin and just about slip her into the vault.

Tell me. Just how the hell did THAT conversation happen?? Does the cemetery supervisor just mention that the only coffin they could fit in is a child's?? Did my sister just bully him into it? Who first brought that up? SOMEBODY TELL ME? Because I think about it a lot and just can'tsee any other family pulling that off. LOL. I do appreciate that it happened because I wouldn't want mom haunting all of us for not following her wishes.

Phew.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. I wish you all good health and happy family memories.

Cradle Graves

First published November 27, 2017 on Facebook Monday morning...time for reflection. Cradle graves. Not for babies - monuments shaped like cradles. (Yes, I don't think they look like cradles, but
work with me here). Headboard, footboard, side slats. Babies can be buried here, as in the
small versions below, but really it's all about the shape. The rectangular section of the stone
is actually a little garden space.

Cradle graves were popular from the early 1800's through the 1920's, when they began to
lose popularity. There are at least 1,000 at Philadelphia's Laurel Hill Cemetery, in all shapes
and sizes. Here is the thing about them, and why I think they speak to me. Cradles graves were created
so that families (or in some cases, their gardeners, dahling) grew flowers and sometimes
grass, made to look like a blanket on the bed, sometimes stones in decorative patterns. A
little garden. That took some work and maintenance. Cradle graves were meant to be interactive. Somebody had to come out to the cemetery on a regular basis to weed and replace plants,
to put in bulbs, to care for the grass. Somebody had to actually physically interact with the monument, and thereby the burial of
the person under that stone.

















Looks like a beautiful blanket...

It reminds me of the family ritual of coming on holidays to clean the family stone and weed
around it, and put down flowers. Most of the cradle grave garden spaces in Laurel Hill are empty. Perhaps the families have died
out. Or they don't realize what the shape of the stone is there for. In one Philadelphia cemetery, Woodlawn in West Philly (near the University of PA), they are
bringing the tradition back by having folks adopt a cradle grave. The volunteers are trained in
the types of plants and flowers that would have been used during the period of the fashion of
the cradles. They agree to take responsibility for the stones. And they learn about the people
buried there, so the interaction is preserved. How cool is that? https://hiddencityphila.org/…/gardeners-bring-cradle-grave…/ Unfortunately my favorite cemetery, Laurel Hill, has so many cradle graves that a similar
program is not possible. I couldn't have don't it anyway - I have a seriously black thumb, and
I don't think dead sticks are what the organizers at Woodlawn have in mind... So. Cradle graves. But more importantly, interaction with our dead. Let's think about how to
bring that back... Here are some photos of mine. The first is a pair of cradle graves. For some reason, I don't
really remember seeing only one - they are in pairs or at least more than one. That's probably
wrong, but that's how it is in my head.

One even has some grass growing in it!

The same two little cradle graves, at night. These probably ARE for babies. Sad.

Those were all from Laurel Hill Cemetery. But this last one - New Orleans, LA. Not exactly
like the ones in Laurel Hill or Woodlawn, but you can see that someone is taking care of the grass.
Cradle graves were apparently particularly popular in the South.

And here are a few from Ireland, where I am told they still use this monument style today

More like what we see in Laurel Hill, albeit a bit rough around the edges…

These (also from Ireland) are truly just damned creepy! LOL!    

  

Laurel Hill Cemetery New App!

First posted December 4, 2017 on Facebook

Monday morning...time for some reflection.

I'm not going to talk about a particular stone or story today. Instead, I want to introduce you to a super cool resource that has just been published by my favorite cemetery, Laurel Hill!

There is now a great mobile app, available for free through Google Play or Apple, that introduces you to the cemetery.

It features various tours (more than I thought there would be), which match some of the in person tours you might take here in Philadelphia. So it can be like being at the cemetery when you are not in the Philly area or able to visit any time soon. Or you can use it for a solo trip though the physical site, since it tells you how to find each spot being portrayed as you move through the tour.

Photos, audio clips, some videos - it's pretty comprehensive. I even have been learning from it! (Shhh! Don't tell anybody!)

Some might worry that this type of technology would try to take the place of me and my fellow tour guides. I think it's an excellent addition to the information we like to share with everyone. Some folks just can't make it to the cemetery, or prefer to wander it solo. This way, everyone gets a chance to access our history.

I have gone through the tour titled "Pop Culture from the Gatehouse", which has 13 'stops'. There are often multiple photos, so don't forget to flip through them, to get the full picture (get it??). I learned a lot from it! and look forward to exploring all of the tours at my leisure.

For the record, I did look online for other cemetery mobile apps. Two notable ones I found are Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn, NY (seems to have a lot of glitches in it so far - they say that are working on it), and the Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis, MN. That one is sort of a middle of the road app, without the audio-visual elements of Laurel Hill's. So Laurel Hill is currently the one to beat!

Let me also tell you that the app was produced by the Friends of Laurel Hill Cemetery and Night Kitchen Interactive, and funded by The 25th Century Foundation and The McLean Contributionship. A lot of work obviously went into the whole production, from the fundraising, research, photos, scripts, physical plant. It's impressive.

I always talk about the stories in a cemetery, how those stories help us to find a connection to history or our own family. Congrats to Laurel Hill Cemetery for finding yet another way to make that important people, living and dead, connection.

Go search for it! Or look here:

http://www.thelaurelhillcemetery.org/visit/mobile